breakthrough

So I had a great session today.

There were a lot of tears.

But we got pretty far.

I'm going to implement change.

I just need to remember to do it.

Myself. And everyone else.

I believe in god. Who is this god?

I don't know, we've never met.

I pray to my god, and I feel great about it.


I love kids, I want to have kids.

I might not be able to birth them, but I sure want to have children.

I want to share in parenthood with my husband.


I want too many things in my short life, but these things I know...

I love my god, I love my (future) children, and I want to share the rest of my life with the love of my life.

And for the first time, I'm willing to wait on these things.


I'm working on myself, and you may come help, but I'm not stepping away from myself to tend to you.


xoxo
-Claire

feeling blue

My depression is back.

I have better friends than I did last time.

I feel sad all the time, but I know there are people who've got my back.

It's pretty awesome; thanks for being there for me.

Thank you for being a friend.


-Claire

down with the sickness

I've been sick lately.
I just want to be well.
I swear it will cherish my health, when I get it back.
Please?

A Tiger, Once Again

I GOT BACK INTO SCHOOL.

Yesterday.

It was one of the happiest days of my life.

Now, when I look to the future I see hope, I see happiness.

My friends have been very supportive of me this year and I am so appreciative of them.

The best thing about the upcoming year? Where do I begin...

I feel like I have a purpose - film studies!
I know (more of) who I am, and I'm not going to let people change me.
I feel closer to certain my friends, and they are so good to me.
There's going to be study night. And we're actually going to work.
And the rec center is going to be awesome. I'm so stoked to go back!

My focal point has never been school until now. I want to focus on my classwork, my friends and getting swoll.

Hello, future. My name is Claire and I'm ready for you. (But, you can call me Dirty.)

Second Family

I am so blessed. I have two families that love me. Love me dearly.

My second family moved away this summer. Moved 7 hours away. Up north.

I miss them. So much. Today especially. 

It is always so nice to know that people love you. And I know they do.

How did I get so lucky?

And why did they more so far away?

I love you.

Long Time No See

I've been going through some trying times emotionally lately, and a few days ago I remembered this blog and why I started it.

I failed to stick with my overall blog idea of improving myself as a writer; but part of this blog's purpose was to kill time and make me feel like I had something worth while to do. But, when I started blogging my social calendar started to fill.

Apparently this started in the beginning of February and hasn't stopped since. A few changes have occurred in my life, most for the better.

I started hanging out with all my friends. I don't know what was keeping me from this before. But, my life changed and I started to feel alive again. I even appreciated the bad times because I actually had emotions.

Also, I gave up drinking for Lent. That was pretty much the last Christian thing I did.

I have belonged to the same church since birth. I feel as if it is time for a change. Does this mean I am leaving forever. I certainly hope not. Christmas Eve service at First Presbyterian is one of my favorite things.

I have just been concentrating on things that make me happy, and that just hasn't been church. Maybe I spent too much time there and it just wore on me. Maybe I need to look for other outlets. The one thing I do know is that I love God. I do not know Him, but I love that He is always there for me and will always be there for me, through the good and the bad, through the day and the night. That is an amazing feeling, and I am so blessed to have it.

I think that's a nice way to describe how I feel - blessed. Most days I just cannot believe I get to surround myself with so many amazing people. How can all of my friends be so awesome? And they want to hang out with me? Awesome.

Thanks for being a part of my life.

-Claire

So much for updating everyday...

When I started this, I said I would update everyday. That has obviously not happened.

I guess I've had a lot of blog-worthy things happen to me, just not things I should publish. ;)

My life right now is so different than it was last year, last month even. I'm still the same Claire I just do more things that the old Claire didn't. My life has been really fun as of late, and I've enjoyed it. But I need to get back to reality.

My new focus needs to be on sleep.
Like tonight, do I need to be up right now?
No.
But I am.

I need to learn some self-control and to stop indulging myself. Most nights I am home by midnight, if I could go to bed right after, I would be golden. But twice last week I stayed up until 5 watching Jeff play video games - that is so pointless.

I'm going to end this blog here, so that I can go to bed.

Dance

I. love. to. dance.

Last weekend was the first time I legitimately danced in public. I went to a friend's birthday party and from 1AM on we were dancing. My friend called me the next day to see if I enjoyed myself and I the only thing I could really say was that I had so much fun. Overall, the party was very chill, everyone got along, and if you didn't want to dance you just had to stay out of the living room. I only knew the birthday-boy, his best friend, and the party buddy I brought along; but that is what music can do - bring people together. Music is universal, dancing is regional, but everyone understands it.

I love it.

Roomies!

In my life, I've had 5 official roommates

Kristina - we were friends in high school. She asked me to be her roommate in the dorms. I said yes. We stopped talking around November. Worst semesters ever! I don't know what happened, but it was awful not being able to just say hello to your roommate. I have not talked to her since the day I moved out. I'm sad that it happened, but okay with it.

Angie - we were friends in high school but started talking a lot while she was in school in Colorado. I moved into the house one morning and waiting for her to arrive that night was such a long wait. She was my summer roommate this past year. It was awesome. I knew it was going to be different than with Kristina, and I was right. We have a lot of good times. She's my best friend - we talk about everything.

Kathryn - I found her on Craigslist. She is a descent roommate, but always at her boyfriend's place so we never hang out. She does have a dog, Jeremy, and he is awesome (and always welcome in the house).

Jeff - my first male roommate. He is just so great. Nice, funny and a gentleman. He is what I aspire to find in a mate - he has given me hope that there really are great guys out there! I have been known to, on occasion, that I love him (which is a feat since I have L-word issues).

Totals:
1 - loss
1 - tie
2 - (epic) wins

Better Late Than Never

Last night I realized that I forgot to post a blog for February 3rd. As I was remembering this, I was in the kitchen and noticed the glasses in the sink. 

Now this is not a great picture, and if I had anything more than a Canon Rebel with the lens it came with it could of had a lot more potential.

The significance of the glasses in the sink is that each one represents one of my roommates. The red cup is mine, the white and green mug is Kathryn's, and the tall glass is Jeff's favorite. 

This is more of a sentiment than a photograph. 

I'm Going To Start Writing

Back in my senior year of high school, I wrote a paper. When my peer finished reading it she said that if it was a book, she would read it. 


Luckily, I still have that paper, so I am going to try and expand it into at least a novella. We'll see how far I get before realizing that the love I might have felt for someone in high school doesn't make for such a great story, but at least this will allow me to keep developing my skills. 


Benefits of Writing
Pragmatic
Creating permanent records of verbal exchanges.
As an alternative to verbal communication.
Educational
As a technique for imparting ideas.
Learning to write well can also help one to speak and think more effectively. These include improving idea organization, brevity etc. 
Emotional
Clarifying the mind. For some it is like exercise, a necessary daily duty to oneself.
Distilling ideas p the mere transference of one's musing to paper often brings new epiphanies and even modifications to preconceived viewpoints. 
source

Officially Official

So this is my first post on my blog. I tweeted earlier that I would actually start blogging February 1, 2010. The clock tells me I will make it with 10 minutes to spare.

I'm making a promise to update with something once a day.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1WjbBr/artlung.com/smorgasborg/how_to_tick_people_off.shtml

I don't know what I'm going to do with this blog. I have a few ideas, and I'll let you know when I figure it out.