breakthrough

So I had a great session today.

There were a lot of tears.

But we got pretty far.

I'm going to implement change.

I just need to remember to do it.

Myself. And everyone else.

I believe in god. Who is this god?

I don't know, we've never met.

I pray to my god, and I feel great about it.


I love kids, I want to have kids.

I might not be able to birth them, but I sure want to have children.

I want to share in parenthood with my husband.


I want too many things in my short life, but these things I know...

I love my god, I love my (future) children, and I want to share the rest of my life with the love of my life.

And for the first time, I'm willing to wait on these things.


I'm working on myself, and you may come help, but I'm not stepping away from myself to tend to you.


xoxo
-Claire

feeling blue

My depression is back.

I have better friends than I did last time.

I feel sad all the time, but I know there are people who've got my back.

It's pretty awesome; thanks for being there for me.

Thank you for being a friend.


-Claire

down with the sickness

I've been sick lately.
I just want to be well.
I swear it will cherish my health, when I get it back.
Please?

A Tiger, Once Again

I GOT BACK INTO SCHOOL.

Yesterday.

It was one of the happiest days of my life.

Now, when I look to the future I see hope, I see happiness.

My friends have been very supportive of me this year and I am so appreciative of them.

The best thing about the upcoming year? Where do I begin...

I feel like I have a purpose - film studies!
I know (more of) who I am, and I'm not going to let people change me.
I feel closer to certain my friends, and they are so good to me.
There's going to be study night. And we're actually going to work.
And the rec center is going to be awesome. I'm so stoked to go back!

My focal point has never been school until now. I want to focus on my classwork, my friends and getting swoll.

Hello, future. My name is Claire and I'm ready for you. (But, you can call me Dirty.)

Second Family

I am so blessed. I have two families that love me. Love me dearly.

My second family moved away this summer. Moved 7 hours away. Up north.

I miss them. So much. Today especially. 

It is always so nice to know that people love you. And I know they do.

How did I get so lucky?

And why did they more so far away?

I love you.

Long Time No See

I've been going through some trying times emotionally lately, and a few days ago I remembered this blog and why I started it.

I failed to stick with my overall blog idea of improving myself as a writer; but part of this blog's purpose was to kill time and make me feel like I had something worth while to do. But, when I started blogging my social calendar started to fill.

Apparently this started in the beginning of February and hasn't stopped since. A few changes have occurred in my life, most for the better.

I started hanging out with all my friends. I don't know what was keeping me from this before. But, my life changed and I started to feel alive again. I even appreciated the bad times because I actually had emotions.

Also, I gave up drinking for Lent. That was pretty much the last Christian thing I did.

I have belonged to the same church since birth. I feel as if it is time for a change. Does this mean I am leaving forever. I certainly hope not. Christmas Eve service at First Presbyterian is one of my favorite things.

I have just been concentrating on things that make me happy, and that just hasn't been church. Maybe I spent too much time there and it just wore on me. Maybe I need to look for other outlets. The one thing I do know is that I love God. I do not know Him, but I love that He is always there for me and will always be there for me, through the good and the bad, through the day and the night. That is an amazing feeling, and I am so blessed to have it.

I think that's a nice way to describe how I feel - blessed. Most days I just cannot believe I get to surround myself with so many amazing people. How can all of my friends be so awesome? And they want to hang out with me? Awesome.

Thanks for being a part of my life.

-Claire